Out of Reach

OK - I am going to have call kittylitter on this move.

All week long I have been reorganizing my playroom. I had everything right where I wanted it. Books on the floor in the middle, cars located near both doors, puzzle pieces scattered into every perfect nook and cranny possible. Then Mommy ruins it all.

Sunday she woke up and went out. When she came back she had two boxes with her. Daddy pulled them into my playroom and started playing with all kinds of fun little objects, just about the right size for me to swallow.

I climbed in and out of these structures as they assembled them - stood on them, helped organize all the little pieces, decorated them with animal stickers.... and what do I get in return? I wake up from my nap and am confronted with this:

Look at these monstrosities! Do you see how high up my blocks and flashcards are? Do you see where my tearable books are?

I don't know why this happened to me, but please learn from my mistake. If you parents try this kittylitter, put a stop to it immediately. Because believe me, once they are up - your fight is over.

WANTED: Elmo Imposter

****ALL POSTS BULLETIN******

There has been an Elmo Impostor sighting this weekend. Please be on alert at all times.

This is NOT Elmo - this is a blatant impostor.

First spotted at Cassidy Kirk's 2nd Bday party, this IMPOSTOR sauntered in like he owned the place.
While most kids were hypnotized by his fuzzy red demeanor, I knew something smelled rotten (besides my swim diaper which is not very absorbent).

I immediately knew this was NOT my beloved Elmo.

Now, some may say that I was 'frightened' of this IMPOSTOR Elmo - but I was NOT. I just have a keen sense of danger and knew that this 'Red Dude' was not to be trusted.

So please, lock you doors and don't trust your parents. They are IN on this scam and will try to take pictures. Your best defense is a tantrum or the Incredible-Hulk-Mommy-neck-choke-hold.

This concludes this emergency update.

Starbucks Lady for President

Sunday Mommy made me get dressed as soon as I got up. I usually like to lounge around in my pajamas for at least the first few hours... Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest!

But regardless, she made me get dressed and go with her to Target.

If there are any other twenty-something month olds, then you know what a trip to Target entails. HOURS of being stuck in a cart going at a snail's pace up and down aisles. Items being endlessly tossed into the basket behind me, and items that I grab endlessly being put BACK on shelves.

Mommy stopping every couple of aisles to say 'Hi' to somebody ELSE she runs into. Which also means getting my pigtails straightened...

Well, today was different.

Mommy went her usual route to the Starbucks line before beginning her rampage. In line I saw this great stuffed monkey hidden behind coffee bags! To try and impress upon Mommy how badly I needed this monkey - I started mimicking "Whooo Whooo Heeeee Heeee"

Mommy didn't buy it. I expressed my disappointment with an ear popping shriek that may have lasted an hour.

Introduce the Starbucks Lady.

Normally the tatted up teenagers behind the Starbucks counter don't interest me, but I could tell this broad had real class.

To appease me after Monkey-gate, she offered me a cup of whip cream. Never heard of it before? Me neither - but let me tell you, it is heaven in a Starbucks shot glass. Absolute Heaven.



And this concludes my nomination speech for The Starbucks Lady for President. Thank you for your consideration.

Now taking applications

I am now accepting applications to be my new personal assistant. The following are my 'musts':

1) MUST have endless energy
2) Must have forward facing car seat
3) Must enjoy the alphabet, dogs and Cheetos
4) Must love Elmo
5) Must work for free

Please send all applications to the comment box.

SO - busy week and weekend.

Went to bed Wednesday and woke up Thursday morning to DADDY! I love Daddy!

Saturday I had a Three-In-One Birthday pool party! My God sister Elizabeth, my God brother Blanton and one of my best friends Sarah Bailey all turned 2. It was a lot of fun, but I REALLY needed to poop the whole time.

After, Mommy and Daddy took me over to my Jenny Claire and GDiddy's house! They have a dog too. His name is Mac and he has a lot of warts. I mean a lot...

Jenny Claire and GDiddy are a lot of fun. They never take their eyes off me though, and that can make it very difficult to get away with things.

When I got home, Alphie was on another vacation - that fish likes to travel!

Then yesterday I started Toddler II! I am sooo grown up, that's why I need a personal assistant.

My friend Jon David is in the same class now! I like Jon David, Mommy calls him 'my betrothed' - but I just think he is funny because he helps me take off my diaper and escape through the doggie door. He's really good at his ABC's too.

The other reason I need a personal assistant - is because I am considering firing Mommy. She is good for a few laughs every now and then, but last night she really disappointed.

I woke up around 2am and called out "Mommmmeeeeeee" and "Dadddddeeeee" a few times. She took her time coming. Then she didn't even take me to bed with her like Daddy did the night before.

I'm a fast learner - so for the rest of the night I saved my breath and just called for Daddy.

Did I mention my personal assistant needs to work for free?

There is an Elephant in my bed

I woke up this morning and there was an ELEPHANT in my bed!

He was definately an African Elephant because he had big ears.

I'm not sure how he got there - but I asked him to leave and he refused, so I bit him.

He better not be there tonight.

Alphie - Part II

Things I like about the Pet Store:
1) The fish
2) The birds
3) The fish
4) Banging on fish tanks and screaming "Alphie"

Things I don't like about the Pet Store:
1) Leaving

Yesterday we went to pick up Alphie. Alphie is my fish, I got him a while back - but he mysteriously disappeared a few weeks ago.

Mommy said he went on vacation and yesterday she decided it was time to go pick him up.

The funny thing is, Alphie looks a little different than he used to. For one thing, Mommy keeps calling him "she."

Another strange thing is - and granted, I am just now learning my colors, but I could have sworn that Alphie was red. I guess it was a relaxing vacation because now SHE is turquoise.

Last time Alphie only stayed a week before going on vacation - I sure hope she stays longer this time! Here is a picture of my beloved Alphie!

Pool Par-tay

Today I went to my friend Sally's pool. Sally's Uncle Michael, Milla James and Amelie all came in town and Cassidy came over too! It was a Motley crew but I held my own.

You want a piece of this??!?!?!

I kept them all under control while I dazzled them with my water skills. My balance and fearless-ness was impressive. I did not give Mommy a break all day!

Sally's daddy made us hot dogs and hamburgers - they were alright on my plate, but they were even BETTER off of Amelie's!

I think it is fair to mention at this point that my friends are obviously not eating enough. My belly was by far the most prominent, so I do believe that gives me certain bragging rights.

We swam and waded and swung and laughed. Mommy always talks about how much fun she and the other adults used to have - but they all seemed a little boring to me. Guess it has already moved to the NEXT generation!

And I don't mean to brag... but doesn't my butt look great in this swimsuit???

It's OK, you can look again!

Thank you Sally for letting me come over to play and for your Daddy and Mommy cooking for me!

Adios Senor Booger

I Love Love going out to dinner!

Mommy took me to this Mexican Restaurant yesterday after school and it was just divine!

I was a little nervous at first because it was waaay to quiet when we walked in, but after about 10 minutes of ME, the place was hoppin! (Plus I may have tripped a few of the waitresses)

As soon as I sat down they brought me chips! They were delicious, but they were more fun to crumble up and throw on the floor.

Speaking of floors, have you ever really looked at the floor in a Mexican restaurant? Oh my goodness they are massive matted expanses of long forgotten treasures and gems! I found lots of things that tasted wonderful and only a few things that didn't - so I spit those back out.

My Aunt Lovie held me in her lap for a little while and let me play with ALL her makeup! I was wearing a white ruffled dress so all the colors showed up marvelously!

My friends were there too, Sarah Bailey, Ben and Emma, but they couldn't keep up. They were too busy sitting in chairs, eating properly and practising their french. No thank you - not for MOI!

Mommy's eyes started watering at one point and one of the waitresses took our whole plate and brought it back in a box - I had simply refused to eat ANY of it anyway, so that was fine.

Then Mommy found her keys under the table and retrieved her phone from the chip bowl and we had to leave.

When we got home Mommy opened a big bottle of juice with a funny curly-Q thing and poured in a fancy glass. She looked tired.

I miss my Daddy

I miss my Daddy - he has been gone since Sunday and he is way more funny than Mommy. The only good thing about when Daddy's go on trips, they always bring back PRESENTS!

Mommy said Daddy picked out something especially for me, and that I might actually wear it! I currently have my own taste in clothing. The brighter the better and although I AM royalty, I think it very tacky to display it on my clothing. Also, I feel that anything that refers to me being "too sweet" is misleading. Trust me, I have seen many a kids with that crap on and they are usually the most ferocious biters!

Poor Mommy looked tired last night soI let her sleep in this morning. I woke up a little early but I had some important business to discuss with my ducky, so I didn't bother her until after 8.
Tonight I get to go to a Mexican restaurant to say goodbye to my friend "Senor Boog". He is moving to Denver and he is taking Lady Carolina Belle, the most prettiest English Bulldog EVER. I am going to miss them both and my friend Sarah Bailey is REALLY going to miss her Uncle Boog.

Snippits of Wisdom from her Royal Heinous

If life gives you lemons
eat them

It is better to have loved and lost than to be headbutted

when someone tries to keep you down....
slap them

If at first you don't succeed....
bite

If the shoe fits...
take it off and throw it

A Penny saved is probably a penny soon to be in a bowel movement

To err is human, to forgive
is too big of a word to understand

A bird in the hand is worth Jezza and LJ knocking me down to chase after for

All that Glitters....
is not edible

You can't judge a book
by its taste

An apple a day...
makes me constipated

Don't bite the hand that feeds you... it probably tastes like cigarette!

If you can't stand the heat..
keep pointing and saying "hot?"

Laugh and the world laughs with you...
cry and EVERYONE comes running

What a Glorious Morning

Oh my goodness I had the best morning EVER!

Mommy let me stay up late, almost until 8 o'clock! But around 3:30am I felt like I had gotten enough sleep so I started calling for her.

"Mommy....Mommy.....MooooommmmmEEEEEE"

She came to my room, (she always falls for this), and I stood up and looked at her and smiled as big as I could - then I slapped her in the face because she looked waaayy too tired. I like to help Mommy out sometimes with things like that. That's why she loves me!

Then I convinced her that I was NOT tired and NOT going back to sleep in my bed - although I was definitely open to sleeping in HER bed. So she picked me up and took me to the big bed.

The big bed is the best! Mainly because it is so fun to sleep with Mommy, but also because under the covers are DOGS! This makes my infamous sneak attacks so much easier! Even though LJ usually sees me coming and hides under the actual bed instead of under the covers. You can count on Jezza though - she never gets out of bed until Mommy makes her.

So I laid in bed for a few minutes, but I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I had recently learned - like "nose, ear, eyes, mouth." So I decided instead of wasting time sleeping I should put these new found skills to practice.

Mommy is sooo peaceful when she sleeps, she must have really been tired. But when I started sticking my fingers in her eyes and mouth and identifying them to her she woke up quite a bit! She even half way smiled! I AM pretty darn cute, even at 3:30am.

So we got up and played and ate and watched Elmo - Mommy records Sesame Street for me every day so I can watch it in the morning. Elmo is my most favorite word to say. Every time I get in a car with a tv - "Elmo? Elmo? Elmo? Elmo?" when I go the store and see my diapers "Elmo! Elmo! Elmo! Elmo!" when I wake up in the morning(normally at 8) and sit in my throne to eat "Elmo. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo." I think Mommy really likes that.

After I finished my fruit and Mommy put all that gunk on her face, I got dressed to go to school. I always wear dresses. Mommy gave me a unique name, so now she thinks people might mistake me for a boy unless I wear dresses EVERY day. I don't mind - I much more concerned about what shoes I should wear.

All and all it was one of my more exciting mornings! I just know this is going to be the start of a BEE-UTIFUL day!